Angst alone is embarrassing and hard to deal with.
Angst in a blog is worse. It's trifling. Trivializing. Makes the author seem insecure and pathetic.
So why put this in writing? Memorialized for the ages?
Beats the hell out me.
People blog for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, I feel like a struggling writer who has a novel inside her that will someday emerge.... Other times, I feel like I've got these witty bon mots that must be shared. Though - with my sense of humor - there are few who "get" me. I don't blog faithfully, and I don't tell anyone that I'm doing it anyway. I'm doing it for me, to put some moments in my life out there to oxidize and rust into my brain.
When I started this blog - I was at a crossroads. I had all sorts of shit going on that was waaaay out of my control. And I am a classic control freak. So I thought, I'll start this blog and talk about all this crap that I can't control. And the superstitious side of my brain staged an internal coup and declared, "POST THIS AND NOTHING GOOD WILL EVER COME OF YOUR LIFE."
So, I would drive and blog in my head.
I think I've tempted the Fates long enough.
We have moved into our new home, and begun the next chapter. I've hit the giant "reset" button and we are starting our lives over.
And here, it shall begin for me as well.