Wednesday, March 9, 2011

different kind of fine

The stress is finally getting to me.  I promised myself that my blog posts wouldn't devolve into a pity party.  Why me why me why me blah blah blah blah.

I've been working hard to stay on my WW plan....and following my C25K workouts.  I have been rewarded with a 12 lb. loss since I started in January.  Today I am wearing a pair of jeans to work that three weeks ago were too snug to be comfortable.  Yesterday I went on a job interview wearing a suit that previously looked, and felt, a size too small.

I'm taking these positives wherever I can find them.

Last night's workout was a five minute warm up walk, a twenty-five minute run, and a five minute cool down walk.  I purposefully do NOT look at the next workout in my app plan, because, knowing me, I'd just be dreading the inevitable.  The workouts haven't yet repeated themselves, so imagine my surprise when last night's workout was the same as the previous one.  ACK!  I almost passed out before I even got on the treadmill! 

I figured I'd give it a go and run at a pace faster than I'd ever tried....4.2 mph (a 14.17 mile).  And...I DID IT!!  I literally threw my arms in the air and stage whispered "YES" at the end of the run.  I checked the treadmill....1.75 miles without stopping.

I am so proud of myself.

I should end the story there.  It's a great post.  Nice and tidy and wrapped in a bow.

And then the endorphins kicked in.  I felt the lump rise in my throat as a I walked back to the locker room.  I sat down on the bench in front of the locker, turned the key in the lock, and began to cry.  And I couldn't stop the flow of tears as they streamed over my hot and sweaty cheeks.  I was powerless to stifle the sob escaping from my lungs.

And I knew that it is all coming down crashing around me.  I found out a friend of mine is expecting a baby...and that unleashed all of the inner sadness that I thought I had buried.  I wallowed in my sadness for another five minutes or so, got up, washed my face and walked out into the cold night air.

One day I will conquer that.  But in the meantime, I'll be the one crying on the treadmill after I finish my workout.  Just throw me a tissue and give me five minutes.  I'll meet you outside after I'm done.....


jami said...

sending big hugs.

TAH said...

Sorry for not seeing this sooner... I'm sending big hugs, too!